I woke this morning with the intention to handle an issue that has been growing, and a dwindling list of people that I could trust. The same is true I would imagine, now. Dyan'ette had been controlled by the lizard that remembers being our mother. The protections I built into him help his blade from us, but not from the rest of the city. It was only when he could not refute the evidence that he came forward. I asked, no in all truth I begged Teth to rebuild his mind, and fix what she had done to him.
I was rewarded with a repaired brother, and then punished with a broken friend. That is the only word I can think of for him. He is a confidant, and someone I trust my life to when I am sleeping. He shares our beds and is taken with Dyan'ette in a way that perhaps I cannot grasp, so he is important. Even Valan did not hesitate when we decided to take him to Xorlorin for help. There was nothing that the Priestess of the academy could do for him but cover up the murders, and declare Dyan'ette innocent, which was no small feat in itself… though her price is high.
As high, if not more so than the price of Matron Xorlorin. The house above us, house sixteen is doomed in the morning, if we are not ourselves, only Lolth knows. We attack at dawn, and for a house that has risen so far, I have to hold to hope that Lolth still stands with us, otherwise tonight may be our last night. This is why we hold our Consorts close, we drink our best wine and we spend the night exactly how we would, because if it is our last it should be the best.
After this, because I must hold that there is an after, we are to host the city for a celebration, welcoming our sister Arkonia to our fold and showing her what we live for.
There is a growing concern in my mind, something that nags at me, every time I consider telling others that I have taken a consort; it is as if I know that it will be short-lived so I hesitate doing it at all. Add to that, he does not remember all that has happened to him, if he is not the man that I would take to consort, then I would not have him tied to me when he could be of more use somewhere else. This is something I can speak of to no one, so I am left with only this outlet.
Valan grows cross that she was forced to take Teth as a consort, and I regret perhaps that I did not, to spare myself the looks and complaints that she must have about Dyan'ette. I am too soft with him. I have not challenged him when perhaps I should have, but is it wrong to appreciate his input, even if I do not agree? No, but what is wrong is allowing that to occur where anyone else can see.
Perhaps it is too late for that and the only one I am sparing by not making it public is myself. Nothing can help that, I know something is coming. Indeed it may be why I am so sure we will defeat A'lavallier, because there can be no future for me if we fail.